Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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