I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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