I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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