When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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