Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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