my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
