I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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