when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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