When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
