Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
