is wine microwaveable?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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