And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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