is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
