Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
