Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
