he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
