dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
