ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
