I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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