6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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