Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
