The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
