its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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