I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
