Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i will never coherently bang her
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
