i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
