she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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