you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so that wasnt chicken after all
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
