Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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