Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize