I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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