I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
