my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
