I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize