I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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