I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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