She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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