This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
