i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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