Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
