Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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