I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize