I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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