so explain again why im purple
no
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
