She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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