he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found the puke drawer
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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