Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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