Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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