About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
