When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
