she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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