Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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