You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
