I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize