When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
