the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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