I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
