Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
