i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
