Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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