Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The air was thick with penises
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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