arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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