how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
