i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
