dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's blow job season.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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