I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
