I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
