I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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