Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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