please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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