We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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