Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I am one with the molecules
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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