did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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