I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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