Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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