when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
