One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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